Frustrations

The feeling that set me up so frequently for creativity has escaped. Once more it is out of my grasp and I remain unsure as to when it will return. Without it, my mind turns to black when my fingers reach the keys and I can't help but focus on the mourning for what's been lost. Attempts at writing come up half hearted and results lackluster.

Appreciation for what's been given is masked by the greed for more.

Still, despite the mental wall that I yearn to break through, it is through writing this that I try to gain that thanks.

Everything is still as it should be and I am thankful for those that I have and the chances I get.

A New Direction

And so begins a new direction in life. Out with the old and in with the new, as they say. And the new is startlingly, mind-numbingly new in the most amazing way possible. I feel as though all the toxins have been cleansed from my system. It was almost imperceptible too, which is what makes it even better. I hadn't even realized how slowly they were penetrating my bloodstream, corrupting my thoughts as I went unaware. Everything feels so much clearer.

The ex moved out only five days ago to be replaced by one of my closest friends. It feels already life the most minute things in life have already been altered. Everything has become more fast-paced, brighter, and overall happier. I got my grades back today and was pleasantly surprised with those. Three A's, a B and a C. Even though I still have worries in my life (most specifically financial)I feel as if my focus is no longer trained on all the negative. The environment overall is so much more positive. With my previous roommate, all I would receive is complaints and constant requests for reassurance that engulfed me until my thoughts were a mass of black. With my new change however, I feel a quiet confidence that surges alongside my own and that black has faded away. Troubles are eased alongside one another in talks filled with laughter despite the serious nature. This is the most refreshing of all. The air is so much clearer.

I'm a new soul,
Residing in the same provincial body.
The days of yore,
Of insecurity and uncertainty
And hesitation and unease,
Vanish in the wake of all
That is possible in the future.

Rather Odd

Here I am, present and aware with my surroundings lit up around me like the lights in an aquarium. I feel as though I'm on display, complete with fake trees and a little fake man to keep me company. What would it take to make it all real? The sacrifice can't be too great, not for this. Arms spread wide and facing the heavens I ask only for truth. For reality. The eyes of those around pierce, but they don't truly see. How can they when what's meant to be seen is still only a crumbling mess of already convoluted thoughts? Turn upside down, let the blood flow freely. A rush to the head, a rush to the dirt, drip by scarlet drip. A sacrifice, for you, for them, for what could be and already is. For clarity.