Monday, December 13, 2010


Life in one succinct moment becomes that which is it's polar opposite. So much of our life focuses on death. Everything we do in life is done with the urgency that one day we may no longer have the opportunity. Even this now, is done to preserve some memory of myself after my death, even unconciously so. They say those that don't fear death ultimately fear the inevitability of being lost in the recesses of history. To be forgotten. It frightens me. The knowledge that one day the only ones left to preserve our lives and memories- the ones we love - they too will be dead and gone and then we will cease to exist truly. Everything erodes, such is the way of life. It is ironic in the most extreme way possible.

This is no way pessimistic. I was just mesmerized with my studies into the literature I had to focus on in my courses this semester. They were all so focused on various motives, almost all ended in or centered on death. In contemplating my own scenarios for death, I would want it to feel as if I were trapped within the Infinite Moment. Perhaps captured as if fictional. Like the lover of Porphyria, where it seems almost reverent, something fantastical and all too tender. That is due, in retrospect, to the idea of such a thing happening to me as purely fictional and entirely improbable. I believe in the Infinite Moment. However, as humans we so rarely recognize it for what it is. The chance to rise out of mediocrity and transcend into something monumental, even if it is within our own circumstances. Within the lives we lead we may only be presented a few chances of any substantiation that allow us to rise out of the true mediocrity we dwell within and embrace that glorified moment to the extent that the lover of Porphryia does. That is not making the implication to truly live within the Infinite the act must contain death, but instead something that changes everything to come. The most disguised Moment could lead to the monumental. I merely intend to highlight the fact that these times are rare, and while minor choices can lead to greater things, to truly recognize and embrace the Infinite Moment is something rarely accomplished.

How many times in our lives have we held back to due inhibitions or hesitations? How many opportunities have we lost merely due to our own insecurities upon the issue? Numerous. Innumerable.

"That moment she was mine, mine, fair,
Perfectly pure and good: I found
A thing to do, and all her hair
In one long yellow string I wound
Three times her little throat around,
And strangled her. No pain felt she;
I am quite sure she felt no pain."
--Robert Browning, Porphyria's Lover

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