Acceptance

I haven't posted these past few days, but I've written each one, so I haven't broken my promise to myself. It's been a hectic past few days, with things such as hectic work hours and my mother's birthday. I wrote this one a few nights back, and in place of me originally planning on posting my other poems. I -need- to post this one. A few days ago I had an epiphany. A calm acceptance of my circumstances that left me laughing at the fact I know could -let go- and had learned all that I could. It has been a turbulent few months, and now I can relish in the calm after the storm.






So here is my peace (and yes that spelling is intentional.)



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There is a place,

Where nothing but silence reigns.

Here, where no else dare tread, she finds her peace.

Embracing the love she once had,

She lets go,

Gifting the unnatural silences with her memories.

Mistakes made by both,

Accepted by neither,

Change the surroundings from foreboding and angry,

Tear-stained and regretful,

To tranquil and comforting

At last.

For now she is at home in the place

Where nothing but silence reigns.

Memories of a Time Long Ago...

I was once a mother and a lover,

Now I only have my dreams.

Before I knew of your existence my body felt your loving spirit.

Tender images who I could be

Were torn away without even the joys of recognition.

I shed your blood, alongside my own.

Shocking pain to echo a shocked mind.

I was a mother before my time,

Now that dream will never be.

My gift has been torn away,

Along with the man whose eyes you would have

Possessed.

Left with only the words...

"Maybe love just isn't enough."

You would be one this month.

There was once a girl barely grown into her eighteen years. She thought she knew the world as all those her age do, the intricacies of life a simple puzzle to which she had long ago memorized the layout. So fresh faced and full of confidence she set out into the world of higher education, and met an older boy, still young and vibrant, full of spirit and life whose soul reached out to her own. Within three days she knew it as love.

They were soon called inseperable, and people told them they would be together until their skin was wrinkled and hair flecked with shades of gray. Within him she found solace and acceptance. Within her, he found a stability and home.

Three months later she found she was pregnant...in the form of a miscarriage. After, the flashing screens showed her images of what her child was and never would fulfill. It had a heart...alongside hers that she didn't realize was held in it's still forming hands. Devastation was all she knew as they embraced in a car and cried together. He was her pillar of strength. His arms were her home that night. They grieved, but grew stronger and closer together for it. They called it a blessing...

Until a year later when all she knew was pain when they made love. Months of crying and the support and insistence of her love wore her down, and she visited a doctor...

"The good news is we know whats wrong with you. The bad news is you may not be able to concieve a child."

Heartbreak...all she wanted to be was torn away from her in those few little words. The hope that still lay with the doctors' talk of chances and options was inconcievable in her mind.

Eight months after that, he left, their love once strong and pure a hollow shell of what it once was. He a changed man, because of her or his true colors showing she would never know. Four months later, memories are all that exist. And images of what could've been.

"And I will hold on hope

And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again."
-Mumford and Sons - The Cave

Hands

Everything I hope,

Everything I hold,

Resides within these

Two imperfect hands.

Heartbreaks soothed,

Wounds healed.

Sides brushed until

Laughter is all that can be heard

Echoing for miles.

With these two imperfect hands...

Lies my salvation.

Inspired by Weak Little Lion Man by Mumford and Sons

Weak little lion man

You proclaim yourself great

Your mighty yell echoing for all those who may hear.

Why must you parade so?

You will never be what

Resides within your mind.

An empty shell

of dreams to weak to achieve.

My own personal housecat.

Bones

If you had a chance to forget me, would you?

Don't you want to come with me, and feel my bones on your bones...

It's only natural?

highly sexualized-

one hundred percent commitment

zero return?

highly misguided sexuality

riddled with insecurity

self fulfilling prophecy.

Wanting everything...

setting myself up

for nothing

He doesn't look like a thing like Jesus.

my savior.

ashes to ashes

dust to dust

until death do us part.

NB: The format of this piece doesn't travel that great off paper. :(

Some Newer Pieces...

In these I think I'm going to post one per entry...just to make it easier.
By the way, for the people that somehow stumble upon this by accident, I don't intend my posts to be written in this format with such extensive use of the formidible word 'I.' This is just for the moment while I'm publishing everything old I've written.

Untitled I

         At once I feel as if I can see everything while seeing nothing at all. Blindness robs me of impurities, Cast into the waters of the baptismal font, I know I am saved. Beyond petty searches for the divine - beyond the reaches of finite science, into the essence of humanity! The bind that ties us all together...can never truly be seen until everything is stripped away. Pretenses both genuine and false only serve to tarnish that which makes us great.
         Smooth flesh, rounded breats, fleeting touches that echo in your brain like a bird taking flight...The raw smell of that which is unique to one but familiar to all...
         That is to be human, but not humanity.
         We are all human, but none of us reside within humanity. We are too imperfect...
That is the tie that binds us all.

Oldies Post Deux

More Oldies...These are slightly darker.

The City

The flashing eyes of the city

Blind us; throwing off kilter the

Perfect scene and

Reveling in the revelations

That we wished we never had

Of who we really were.

The thunderous laugh of the city-

Deafness ensues and

Swallows the lie that you never

Told but wouldn't have

Saved us anyway.

The pockmarked skin of the city

Repulses us;

We were drawn

Together by the grotesque.

This is the city personified.

The First of the Oldies

Things from four or more years ago...

Always

I dream of the cerulean sky,

Interrupted by child-like marshmallow clouds

And the feeling I'm not alone.

A light breeze caresses

Reassuring and comforting,

He appears by my side.

"Are you ever afraid?"

A murmur.

From whom is forever unknown.

A questioning stare-

An unreadable expression,

Exchanged.

"Always."

Valentine

There is restlessness in my being-

Tonight!

The cause of mind numbing

Insomnia

Sending signals to my brain.

Find a lover!

Take a mate!

He who is so perfectly flawed.

So Once Again the Journey Begins...

I don't know how many times I've tried to accomplish keeping up with a blog. The inevitability of reality creeping in and distracting me from worthwhile things always creeps in and I am lost to the abyss. This time however, I am going to try harder. I have a new quest/goal in mind.

You see I have a notebook that I keep all my writings in that I usually just notice when I feel like pretending I'm cool enough to pull of pretentiousness. Reclining on my patio, allowing myself to get all ashy kneed from where I have become too lazy to clean up the ashes of my cigarettes I listen to music and just write.

My goal is to continue to write in that journal at least once a day for the next month. Failure is probable, but an attempt to succeed will be launched.

All of that will be posted here. Tonight will see an enormous amount of posts however, as I'm going to try to import everything I've written that I like into here tonight, just so I have it.

So let the work begin!