Sunday, August 8, 2010

Memories of a Time Long Ago...

I was once a mother and a lover,
Now I only have my dreams.
Before I knew of your existence my body felt your loving spirit.
Tender images who I could be
Were torn away without even the joys of recognition.
I shed your blood, alongside my own.
Shocking pain to echo a shocked mind.
I was a mother before my time,
Now that dream will never be.
My gift has been torn away,
Along with the man whose eyes you would have
Left with only the words...
"Maybe love just isn't enough."

You would be one this month.

There was once a girl barely grown into her eighteen years. She thought she knew the world as all those her age do, the intricacies of life a simple puzzle to which she had long ago memorized the layout. So fresh faced and full of confidence she set out into the world of higher education, and met an older boy, still young and vibrant, full of spirit and life whose soul reached out to her own. Within three days she knew it as love.
They were soon called inseperable, and people told them they would be together until their skin was wrinkled and hair flecked with shades of gray. Within him she found solace and acceptance. Within her, he found a stability and home.
Three months later she found she was the form of a miscarriage. After, the flashing screens showed her images of what her child was and never would fulfill. It had a heart...alongside hers that she didn't realize was held in it's still forming hands. Devastation was all she knew as they embraced in a car and cried together. He was her pillar of strength. His arms were her home that night. They grieved, but grew stronger and closer together for it. They called it a blessing...
Until a year later when all she knew was pain when they made love. Months of crying and the support and insistence of her love wore her down, and she visited a doctor...
"The good news is we know whats wrong with you. The bad news is you may not be able to concieve a child."
Heartbreak...all she wanted to be was torn away from her in those few little words. The hope that still lay with the doctors' talk of chances and options was inconcievable in her mind.
Eight months after that, he left, their love once strong and pure a hollow shell of what it once was. He a changed man, because of her or his true colors showing she would never know. Four months later, memories are all that exist. And images of what could've been.

"And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again."
-Mumford and Sons - The Cave

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